hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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