i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Houston, we have a blender
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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