10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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