I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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