who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
