I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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