I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
