dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
