I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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