i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
