My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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