suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
