Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
