Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
