We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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