So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
