when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
