Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
