He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
