I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
