My sheets look like a crime scene.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
