YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
