My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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