I think I won the penis lottery.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
