dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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