we're blogging at a bar
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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