she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Less talking, more tequila
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
