I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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