so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
