My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
