All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
