i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
