we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
