I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
