I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
