we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
