Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
