I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
