The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
