Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
