Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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