I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
