OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
