if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
