Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
where does the pee come out of this thing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
