ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
