yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
