Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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