Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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