last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
