i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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