My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
