@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
